


Just For This Moment, Please Only Look at Me

by néamhni (uaigneach)



Series: So Much For My Happy Ending [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Established Allura/Shiro (Voltron), F/M, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Galra Keith (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Hurt Keith (Voltron), Japanese Shiro (Voltron), Keith & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron)-centric, M/M, Mentioned Characters, Minor Lance/Pidge | Katie Holt, Oblivious Shiro (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Sad, Sad and Happy, Shiro (Voltron) Angst, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Songfic, Space Uncle Coran (Voltron), Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, light cursing, no happy ending, space weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-07
Updated: 2018-06-07
Packaged: 2019-05-19 04:07:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14866301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uaigneach/pseuds/n%C3%A9amhni
Summary: Keith has loved Shiro since he first met him at the Galaxy Garrison.Shiro, of course, goes and falls in love with perfect Princess Allura.How can Keith ever compete?





	Just For This Moment, Please Only Look at Me

**Author's Note:**

> guess who doesn't edit anything because I don't have a beta

If Keith was going to be perfectly honest with himself, it had all started long before they ever left earth – back when it was only him and Shiro against the world. Sometimes Matt Holt would tag along to join them in being absolute terrors, but for the most part, it was just the two of them. It made Keith feel special, because no one else had ever chosen him before.

And Shiro was a popular guy too! He was Mister Perfect – kind, gentle, smart, and the hottest guy Keith had ever seen. He wasn’t all that insecure in his looks, but he knew that Shiro was so out of his league it was almost funny. First of all, Keith was gay as hell, and Shiro – bless his heart – was straight as hell. That was just a recipe for disaster, but Keith grew to love him all the same.

He lived for those small moments that they had together – when Shiro chose him over everyone else. When he was Shiro’s and Shiro was his. No one questioned it, it simply was.

And things had been absolutely beautiful. Right up until Shiro left for the Kerberos mission, leaving Keith all alone again.

But that had been okay too; Shiro had promised to come back, and the mission was only a 6-month thing. There was nothing for Keith to worry about. Just six months and then Shiro would be his again. But the universe liked to mess with Keith – giving him something good, something his, and then taking it away from him like it meant nothing. The Kerberos mission was deemed a failure, the crew missing, presumed dead; pilot error, they said.

Keith had left, right then and there. There was no way that his Shiro would ever screw up like that. It simply wasn’t possible.

 

* * *

 

 

_[My phone lights up your name](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1s3Bv_5cms) _

_Another call from you - it's always the same_

_Nothing new as I pick up and say_

_"Hey how've you been today?"_

_Although I'm wondering if you're really okay_

_with these same old words from yesterday?_

 

* * *

 

 

When they first recovered Shiro, he’d been a mess. A well disguised mess admittedly, but a mess all the same. He had just escaped after a year of captivity (not a nice captivity either judging by the scar across his nose and the missing limb) and then the first thing that the Garrison had done was strap him to a table and quarantine him. Not exactly the welcome home that Shiro’s psyche had needed.

Keith had done his best with the shack, but Shiro had still been really out of it by the time that they’d made it to the castle. Then, finding Voltron had been the most important thing. Shiro was good at compartmentalizing, especially when he knew that he couldn’t afford to deal with his own issues. He did this back when he first started helping Keith with his work – his uncle had fallen ill, and instead of giving himself time to either go visit the man or grieve, he helped Keith with his physics paper. The man was a self-sacrificing idiot.

Keith had learned long ago that Shiro would do this, and he made it a point to give him a moment to take a break. He couldn’t always do it, especially since Voltron was an incredibly important part of, you know, saving the world. That, and Shiro was a private kind of guy. He tended to try and disappear right after meals and training sessions. Sometimes he’d allow Keith to tag along, but for the most part, Shiro seemed to prefer solitude.

Keith knew what it was like to long for solitude. All the same, he knew that it wasn’t what Shiro needed right now. As far as he knows, Shiro had spent the last year or so without human contact. He must be incredibly touch starved – and while a lot of attention would be very overwhelming, what Shiro was doing wasn’t healthy either.

He was sure that the others had to have noticed by now too. Keith wasn’t just going to watch as Shiro fell apart right before his eyes. He was going to be there for Shiro, just like the other had been there for him when he was struggling.

Shiro had come _back._

That meant something to Keith.

 

* * *

 

 

_You're quiet as you're gazing down at your feet_

_And so I_

_Put on the biggest smile when we meet, despite what I'm feeling_

_I notice at that time the sadness shining in your pretty eyes_

_And raise a hand to wipe away the tears you’re crying_

 

* * *

 

 

“Have you noticed that Lance and Pidge like… have a thing for each other?” Hunk asked randomly as he fiddled with his bayard. He was sitting by the wall along with Keith and Shiro as they watched Lance and Pidge spar.

Keith whirled around to look at him, confused. “What? No way…” he just couldn’t see it. Lance was… Lance. Pidge had higher standards than that – right? He was sure that she did. There was no way that Pidge would go for someone as frustrating as Lance.

There was a loud ‘whump’ as Pidge threw Lance into the wall. Keith winced – that had to hurt.

 

Shiro shrugged lightly, leaning back against the wall and watching with a critical eye as Lance scrambled to get back up. “I can kind of see it.” He admitted, snickering softly when he caught sight of Keith’s scandalized face. “Don’t look at me like that! I think that they’d be cute together.”

Keith rolled his eyes but smiled softly. Shiro’s smiles were infectious, no matter what was happening when he did. “I’ll believe it when I see it,” he declared, turning back to watch the fight.

“- ha, I bet, that you, ughhh, can’t beat me.” Lance was panting harshly, frantically dodging Pidge’s rapid-fire punches.

Pidge rolled her eyes, not nearly as winded as Lance was. “Yeah right, hah, what would I get, if I won?” she asked in between moves, careful to measure her breathing.

“I’ll do whatever you say for a month.” He gasped, damn near launching himself backwards as she made to kick towards his head. “And if I win, you’ll owe me a favour.”

She cackled and backed off for a moment. “As if I’d ever let _you_ win!” she crowed before moving forwards with seemingly renewed energy. After that it took approximately 3.7 seconds for Pidge to flip Lance and have her bayard at his throat. “Do you yield?” she asked seriously, a small smirk on her face.

Lance only groaned and flailed weakly. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes’!” she declared happily, stepping back and deactivating her bayard. “Now since I won, I get to claim my prize!” she grinned, twirling her bayard around her finger. Lance pouted from his place on the ground at her feet, but unlike the times that he’d lost a bet with Keith, he didn’t put up much of a fuss.

“Fine… name you’re price.” He grumbled, looking down slightly – but not disappointedly? That was new.

Pidge cocked her head to the side before speaking. “Well, I say that for the next month, you’re going to take me on dates and be the perfect boyfriend.” She declared in a matter of fact manner.

 

Keith spewed the water that he’d been in the middle of drinking all over the ground in front of him. He heard Hunk and Shiro chocking from behind him. The couple however, was completely oblivious to their audience.

 

“D-d-dates?!” Lance shrieked, looking shocked but not at all displeased. “You want to date… _me?_ ” he asked in disbelief, looking up at the short girl with something akin to _hope_. What the fuck?

“Of course. I love you, you idiot!” Pidge smirked, placing her hands on her hips and grinning down at Lance. He stared up at her wide eyed for a moment before launching himself up off the ground as if he hadn’t just spent the last 15 minutes getting his ass kicked.

Lance whooped loudly for a moment before picking Pidge up and swinging her around, both of them laughing brightly and smiling happily at each other. Keith wanted to puke at how tooth-rottingly fluffy they were.  

 

 

“You know, I’m a little jealous,” Shiro leaned over to whisper to Keith, his eyes not once leaving the new happy couple. “They just look so happy together, I guess I thought that after Kerberos I’d be able to find that.” Keith’s heart nearly burst out of his chest.

Shiro sounded so sad and all Keith wanted to do was pull him into a tight hug and never let him go. But that wasn’t Keith’s place. It never would be his place. Shiro didn’t like him like that. “It’ll be your turn next.” He joked, his voice light and smile soft as he looked up at Shiro. Shiro’s smile didn’t waver as he looked over at the happy couple wistfully.

“Very funny, Keith. You know that we have to defeat Zarkon first,” Shiro rolled his eyes. Keith winced slightly, but didn’t say anything else, instead choosing to stare bitterly over at Lance and Pidge. He was happy for them, but he couldn’t help but wish that it was Shiro and him dancing over there and not the blue and green paladins.

 

* * *

 

 

_I understand that_

_I understand that_

_There isn't a single thing I can do to stop your tears_

_But I am here_

_To comfort you through them silently_

 

* * *

 

 

It happened during a training exercise. Allura had insisted that they get some more tactical training in and had 1 paladin fight a high-level training bot while the other 4 tried to observe the strategy and/or give advice and critique on the technique. It was supposed to be both an exercise in self-awareness as well as a way to fix the issues with their fighting.

They had started with Shiro – in hindsight, not the best decision, but it is what it is. Shiro was holding his own very well against the robot, and even the Altean princess looked impressed with how Shiro was doing. He fought like a beast, fierce but surprisingly elegant.

(Keith wondered if the odd feline qualities were just Shiro’s natural grace or if the lions had had an influence on them.)

Shiro had just delivered another beautiful powerful blow when the robot moved with surprising speed and got Shiro right across the nose. Shiro completely locked up, his back going rigid and a far away look taking over his slack face. It happened too fast for Keith to do anything more than cry out – the robot took advantage of Shiro’s distraction and delivered a solid hit to Shiro’s chest, throwing the large man across the room like a rag doll.

There was a moment of silence as everyone just sort of gaped at Shiro. He was sitting on the ground, almost equally as stunned as the rest of them. He stared blankly at the robot for a second before struggling to his feet.

“I have to go.” And then Shiro was booking it out of the room, disappearing in less than 2 seconds.

 

* * *

 

 

_So won’t you let it all out?_

_Please don’t hold back now_

_I promise that you’re safe within my arms..._

_Hey now, Cinderella who lost both her shoes,_

_Someone will come to take you home very soon..._

 

* * *

 

 

There was a moment where Keith stared at the doorway that Shiro had run through, and then he was running after him, ignoring the cries of protest that the others threw after him.

He careened through the hallways, chasing after the sound of footsteps that he could hear echoing faintly. Shiro was running blind, but Keith had a good idea where he was going. When Shiro was upset, he would always try and find someplace with a big window. He’d always hated enclosed spaces and loved to find someplace outside, or at the very least a large open floor plan.

Shiro had always had a problem with the small dorms at the Garrison, and that was the reason that the shack in the desert had even become a thing. The hoverbike had been Shiro’s too. His grandmother had bought it for him when he moved from Japan to America for school. He had loved that thing and had taught Keith how to take care of it. The shack was something that he’d found while exploring the desert surrounding the Garrison. When Shiro had shown it to him, Keith had had the odd feeling that he was seeing a part of Shiro’s soul.

Even then, he’d been a little bit damaged. A worn-down shack in the middle of the desert; a little bit of a fixer upper, but still liveable and comfortable. Nothing to worry too much about. Now though, Shiro is a little bit more broken. Too much had happened over the course of the year that Shiro had been missing in space.

The shack had been a safe haven for the both of them.

Would it still be when they get back?

 

If they get back.

 

 

The castle didn’t have a room that lead to the outside – ejecting oneself into space was typically _not_ recommended – but it had the next best thing; a room with a with an entire wall that was one large window into space. Shiro liked to head there and just curl up in the very corner alcove in a small Altean bean bag chair thing.

Breathing heavily and panting slightly, that’s how Keith found him. He rushed into the room, expecting to see Shiro hiding in his little bean bag chair, he was completely unprepared to see Shiro just kneeling in front of the window. His shoulders were hunched, and his head was tilted back in a look of exhausted defeat. “Shiro?” Keith asked, startling the older man slightly. He didn’t look up though, and he didn’t turn his head either.

“You should head back to the others. I’m sure they’re missing you.”

Keith walked forwards slowly, careful to make his way around to the window so that he wasn’t approaching Shiro from behind. It was always best to approach someone who struggles with PTSD induced paranoia from the front. Especially someone like Shiro who was liable to lash out. “I’m not heading back – not until you’re at least okay.” Keith had always been awkward with words, but this time he was going to be there for Shiro, even if he didn’t know how. He was determined to at the very least, fumble his way through this.

Shiro didn’t respond for a moment. Seemingly thinking deeply. “I’m fine.” His voice cracking betrayed the fact that he was lying.

“No, you’re not.” Keith shook his head, kneeling down gently in front of Shiro’s still form. Shiro had his eyes closed, and from this angle, it was easy to see the tear tracks running down Shiro’s face. His eyelashes were glistening and stuck together as a fresh wave of tears dripped slowly down his face. “But that’s okay. I’m here. I’m not going to leave you.”

Shiro’s upper lip began to tremble slightly and he peeled his eyes open for a moment, looking at Keith with the most heartbreaking look. Then he sort of just fell forward, very nearly crushing Keith as he collapsed into Keith’s chest. He hurried to rearrange Shiro so that both of them could breathe, and then he hesitantly wrapped his arms around the older man. Keith shushed him softly as the sobs began to pick up, closely followed by violent tremors.

“Shh, everything will be okay, you’ll see. We’ll get through this.”

* * *

 

 

_I’m often wondering_

_If the day should come that I tell these feelings_

_But now is not the time, it seems_

_Though if you ever need_

_Someone, somewhere to keep you company_

_You know that you can come to me_

* * *

 

 

“Hey Keith, what do you think the princess thinks of me?”

The two of them were lounging in Shiro’s room on one of their few afternoons off. Allura was a slave driver, that’s for sure, but after Lance’s small breakdown the month before, she had settled and admitted that humans did need breaks to properly function. At the very least, their group did.

Keith had taken advantage of this new decision to spend more time with Shiro. They hadn’t had as much time to just sit and talk like they used to, especially with all the harsh and inflexible training schedules. Now though, Keith had the chance to just chill with the man that he’d fallen in love with. They were currently sprawled across Shiro’s bed, staring up at the ceiling of Shiro’s room.

At Shiro’s request, Keith had taken some Altean paint and begun to paint a mural across the ceiling. Shiro loved his art and claimed that he slept best when looking up at the stars. Their rooms had no windows since they were near the centre of the ship, so a mural was the next best thing. Keith had just finished adding in a nebula and was taking a break when Shiro decided to strike up a conversation.

“I mean, I think that she likes you. You’re easily the most mature out of all of us, and since you’re like, co-leaders of Voltron, I think she has a soft spot for you.” Keith replied honestly, wiping his hand across his forehead and suppressing a groan as he felt pain smear across his skin. He’d have to clean that later. “She certainly likes you a lot better than she likes Lance.” That part was true too – Allura was definitely much easier on the pilot of the black lion.

Shiro turned his head to look over at Keith, his eyes lighting up with hope. “You really think so?” God, he sounded like a love sick puppy.

“Yeah, she’s going through her Shiro phase. Nothing to worry about, it’ll subside eventually, but it happens to the best of us.” Keith sighed heavily before standing up on the bed and craning his head so that he can continue to work on the mural above his head while he explained to Shiro the side-effects of his seemingly perfect self. “Everyone goes through a Shiro phase – heck, Hunk’s was just a dozen quintents ago. You can be straight as all hell, but everyone goes through the Shiro phase eventually. You’re kinda great, Shiro.”

Keith very pointedly didn’t look at Shiro as he shoved the back end of a paintbrush in between his teeth while he pulled another one with a different colour from behind his ear. “Allura is just realizing how awesome you are.” He mumbled, his voice slightly muffled and warped by the paintbrush.

The Shiro phase was a really interesting phenomena that Keith had observed numerous times before. Shiro was just so charismatic and kind, you couldn’t help but fall for the guy. Add on the fact that he’s smart and hot as hell, and you have the irresistible man. Seriously, Keith had seen fully committed lesbians willing to make an exception for Shiro – he was just that kind of guy.

He was also completely and utterly oblivious to all of this of course. The Shiro phase was when people sort of just fell in love with Shiro, and everyone (Keith really means _everyone_ ) goes through it after meeting Shiro. Lance’s had been right before the Kerberos mission up until the first time that they formed Voltron, and Pidge’s had been during that weird adjustment period they had while training. Keith wasn’t quite sure when Coran had his, but Keith strongly suspects that it spanned a grand total of two vargas back when they were all struggling to bond.

Keith’s Shiro phase was, of course, still going full force.

 

There was a moment of silence as Shiro seemed to be mulling over Keith’s words. “Well… what if I… returned Allura’s affections?” Keith very nearly spat out the paintbrush. Shiro did what now? “Like, how do I tell her? In case you haven’t noticed, Keith, Allura’s kind of amazing too. I mean, she woke up only to find out that all of her planet was destroyed and killed and that 10,000 years had passed and she’s still able to function. She’s so strong and such a great leader. How can I ever compete?”

Keith was stunned. He’d never thought that he’d have to deal with something like this – he always thought that Shiro would just… remain single. It’s not like there’s that many options in space, and Keith was kind of relying on the fact that Shiro believed in duty above all else. But here he was, listening to Shiro _ask for love advice._

“Um, you could just tell her?” he tried, his voice coming out a bit strangled. “I’m sure she wouldn’t turn you down – like I said, she’s in the middle of her Shiro phase.” He didn’t really know what to say. He wanted Shiro to be happy, but he didn’t want Shiro to be with anyone else. He was kind of at a loss here.

“Are you okay? You sound a little strained.”

Keith resisted the urge to laugh hysterically at the situation that he’d found himself in. “I’m fine.” Damn, he still sounded strained as all hell. “I just have a crick in my neck from painting.”

“Well then you should lay down for a bit! Here, I’ll give you a massage.”

Keith cursed inwardly. Shiro was going to kill him.

 

* * *

 

 

_There’s a little bounce to every step that you take_

_Although I_

_Pretend like everything’s still the same, like any other day_

_I’ve noticed that this time your smile has been especially bright_

_It suits the ring that’s on your tiny hand_

_It’s perfect for you_

 

* * *

 

 

It was maybe a month or two after they had defeated Zarkon and exactly 2 years and 4 days since Shiro and Allura had started dating that Shiro and Allura had approached team Voltron. “We have been ‘dating’ as you humans call it, for quite a while now, and Shiro and I have decided to take our relationship to the next level.”

Lance backed up, waving his hands in the air and pulling faces. “Woah there, Allura! You know that we’re all happy for you, but we don’t need to know about you and Shiro… doing the do.”

Pidge turned to look up at her boyfriend with a look of amusement. “Did you just say, ‘doing the do’?” she asked, a small but bright smile on her face.

“Well maybe I just don’t want to talk about Shiro and Allura doing the frickle frackle while we’re on the ship and literally two rooms down from us.” Lance pouts, turning a bright firetruck red. It was amusing if nothing else, and Pidge clearly loved embarrassing her boyfriend.

She wiggled her eyebrows, “you were perfectly fine when we had sex last night.”

Keith immediately pulled an exaggeratedly grossed out face while Hunk looked to the ceiling of the room they were in like he was asking God for some patience to deal with the two youngest members of their little team. Lance was just left awkwardly squawking in the corner while Pidge guffawed, not caring at all that she’d just overshared with everyone.

Shiro rolled his eyes but smiled at them all good naturedly, a fond expression on his face. “Not that any of us needed to know that, but I do hope that you two are practicing safe sex.” He joked, joining in on the humiliate Lance trend and chuckling brightly as Lance managed to turn an even darker read and bury his face in his hands.

Shiro simply couldn’t stop beaming though as he wrapped his arm around Allura’s waist. “But in all seriousness, we do have something to share with you guys.” He said, quickly causing them all the sober up. “Seeing as we’ve defeated Zarkon, I’ve asked Allura to marry me, and she said yes!” Shiro said excitedly, looking happier than Keith had seen him in a long long time.

It was a bittersweet moment for him – here he was, losing Shiro for good, but Shiro just looked so happy. How could Keith not be happy for them?

“This is the perfect time for a wedding,” Allura declared, “this is just the what the Coalition needs to bring its spirits up after the losses that we sustained in the final battle against Zarkon. It’s perfect!” she beamed brightly, looking like a small innocent child in her simple joy.

Shiro smiled down at her, his eyes going soft and full of love. Keith’s heart tightened, a sinking feeling settling in his stomach. “Keith, if you would be my best man?” Shiro asked. And well, Keith had never been able to say ‘no’ to Shiro.

“I would be honoured,” he said, plastering a smile onto his face and hoping that it didn’t look too forced. Luckily for him, Shiro was too absorbed in gazing lovingly down at the Altean princess that he wasn’t paying much attention to Keith. For once, that worked in Keith’s favour. However, the falsity of his smile didn’t escape Pidge’s notice and she shot him a look. He shook his head at her and turned back to address the happy couple once more. “You two are perfect for each other, I wish you all the happiness in the world.”

And he actually meant it.

 

* * *

 

 

_I understand that_

_I understand that_

_There’s isn’t a single thing I can do_

_but listen to you_

_So honest and true_

_As you’re telling your stories happily_

 

* * *

 

 

Pidge found him while he was in the process of listening to Shiro gush about Allura and how she was more than happy to include some of his family’s traditions alongside the Altean ones.

“Hey Shiro, would it be okay if I borrowed Keith for a moment? I have been working on some things on his lion and I need his impute.” She says simply. Shiro, finds nothing wrong with this, still too doped up on his happiness to really care all that much.

“Sure, Pidge!” he beams, sitting up and moving over to the corner of his room where he had his data pad. “You two have fun, I’m going to work on some of the Coalition treaty policies that Allura asked me to look over.” He made a shooing motion with one hand and Keith reluctantly followed Pidge out of the room and towards the hanger where Red was kept.

Pidge didn’t say anything until Red had let them both up into the cockpit and closed the gate behind them. It was then that she whirled around and turned to face him, a hard look on her face. “You love him,” she said in a matter of fact tone. She said it with such simplicity and confidence that Keith didn’t bother denying it. It was true after all, and Pidge already knew.

“Yeah,” he whispered, his voice cracking slightly as he looked down to avoid making eye contact with the shorter paladin. “But I swear I’m not going to interfere or anything. I just want him to be happy.” He says, almost desperately trying to convince the small girl that he wouldn’t hurt Shiro like that. He would _never_ hurt Shiro. Not if he could help it.

He felt her eyes burning holes into him for another moment before soft footsteps indicated that she was moving towards him. Small arms wrapped around him and he slowly sunk to the floor in a defeated hunch, his back loudly smacking onto the metal wall of the cockpit. She just gently held him as his frame began to shake. He hadn’t yet had his chance to really absorb that this was happening; Shiro needed too much help with wedding preparations on his end.

But holy shit, Shiro was getting _married_. To _Allura_.

 

“Just let it out,” Pidge murmurs, reaching up to run her small fingers through his hair slowly as she tucks his head into her shoulder. “It’s alright to be sad. You’re safe right now, you’ve been so brave. It’s okay to break down.” And that was all it took for him to become a complete sobbing mess.

He sobbed so hard that his entire body shook and spasmed with every new wave of tears. They just wouldn’t stop – it was like Pidge’s words had taken down a mental dam that he had built himself and was desperately trying to keep together up until that exact moment. He just couldn’t hold it in anymore. All the hurt that had built up over the years of never being good enough for Shiro - never being what Shiro wanted – just spilled out.

He found himself telling Pidge all about how he and Shiro met, when he first knew that he had fallen for Shiro. He told her about the night that he’d spent in his shack completely hammered when he’d come to terms with the fact that Shiro could never love him back, not the way he wanted him to. He told her why he loved him, and why it just _hurt_ so much to look at them be happy sometimes. He confessed all of that and more, inevitably collapsing into a blubbering mess; completely exhausted.

That’s when he confesses to her that he suspects the reason he is so attached to Shiro is because no one else has wanted him in any way. “Even here, the only reason that any of you started talking to me was because Shiro insisted on team bonding. If we were back on Earth, none of you would have given me the time of day.” The way that Pidge flinches slightly at his admission tells him that what he said was true. It didn’t matter that they were all good friends now. If they were to have met years before, then it would have been nothing more than a passing moment.

Keith had come to terms with this years before. His mother had left first, and then his father followed shortly after. None of the foster homes had wanted him, and none of the orphanages kept him for more than a week before trying to get rid of him. The first person to _ever_ want him had been Shiro. And it was because of Shiro that he had Pidge and the others now.

(Deep down, he feared that if Shiro gave the word, that the others wouldn’t want him anymore. He didn’t know if their relationships with him were stronger than the ones that they had forged with Shiro. After all, who would pick him? Especially over Shiro?)

He just wanted someone to love him unconditionally. Someone who could make him as happy as Lance made Pidge; as happy as Allura made _Shiro._ Was that too much for him to ask? There was someone out there that would want him – he was sure of it. But he was tired of waiting. So so painfully tired of being the one left behind while all the others got their promised happy endings. Where was his? This couldn’t be it.

But maybe… that was the universe’s price for the others’ happiness. Was he so selfish that he’d take away their happiness just for a taste of his own?

 

“I’m just so tired of being lonely,” he murmured through his muffled sobs as they tapered off.

She hugs him tighter.

 

* * *

 

 

_So won’t you keep on talking?_

_I’m always listening_

_At least for now, I want you to stay with me_

_You see... Cinderella who’s smiling so bright_

_Like this, you’ll miss the pumpkin carriage home tonight_

 

* * *

 

 

They announced the wedding at the next Coalition summit. As expected, the news was happily accepted by all of those that were part of the Coalition. They readily agreed to the date and secured their place at the monumental event. It was a big deal, for the two leaders to marry. It was a symbolic opening to a new era in the universe. One of peace and unity.

How fucking poetic. Of course that’s what Allura would turn their relationship into. She was a princess, it was expected of her marriage to be beneficial in more than just the emotional aspects of things.

 

Keith joined Shiro and Coran in planning things so that it was a balanced fusion between Altean tradition and Japanese tradition. Shiro had been born and raised in Japan, and his family was very important to him. Since they couldn’t be there for him on his special day, Keith would settle on giving him a small taste of home. He’d worked hard with Hunk on finding different space substitutes for Shiro’s favourite dishes, like sukiyaki and various udon and ramen dishes (Shiro was a sucker for udon – his mother had made it for him for years as a child). Allura was surprisingly willing to concede to some of Keith’s changes to the traditional Altean wedding, and with everyone working very hard to get things ironed out, they had the wedding planned.

Lance worked with Allura on wedding invites and itinerary, Pidge handled the ceremony and venue issues, Hunk was on catering, and Keith, Shiro, and Coran were planning the actual wedding and everything that the others couldn’t do.

It was very hectic and messy, but Keith would be damned if he wasn’t going to make sure that Shiro had the perfect wedding.

He was living vicariously through Allura now.

 

That would have to be enough.

 

* * *

 

 

_Please cry for me, or_

_Please smile for me, or_

_Whatever it is, just only for me_

_Is there a way_

_That I can convey_

_The truth underneath the words I say_

 

* * *

 

 

 

Keith didn’t really know what he was expecting from life at this point. Maybe, he’d once had a dream where he and Shiro ended up together and they lived back in their little shack in the desert. That was a pipe dream and he knew it, but for that year that Shiro was missing, he’d clung to that dream like a lifeline.

Now, Shiro was engaged to be married to a fucking _princess_. How could Keith _ever_ compete with something like that?

Confessing his feelings wasn’t an option anymore either; not even to just get them off of his chest. Shiro was finally almost happy, and Keith was not about to wreck that with his own pathetic feelings. Shiro deserved better than Keith, and who could be better than perfect little Allura. She was so kind and so fucking _perfect._

And she was a girl.

Everything that Keith would never be. Wasn’t that just a cruel joke by the universe. Here he was, attached to yet another person that was going to leave him again. He held no illusions about whether or not he would still maintain such a close relationship with the black paladin. Allura no doubt knew of his feelings for Shiro, and there was no way that she’d want him anywhere near her man. It wouldn’t surprise him if she wanted him gone.

She’d certainly wanted him gone when she found out that he was part galra. (Although Keith strongly suspected that part of that hate that she held for him was due to her frustration at the deep connection he had with Shiro.)

 

Now, Keith didn’t know what he wanted anymore. He knew he wanted- no, _needed_ Shiro to be in his life, but being so close to him when he was so damned _happy_ with someone else was practically torture. He would try to be happy for Shiro, but could he do it? His feelings had been manageable when Shiro and Allura had just been dating, but anyone with eyes could tell that they were one of those fairy tale couples that lasted forever.

How could Keith ever compete with that?

Keith was just a bad reminder of Shiro’s past and shortcomings. He was what Shiro had used to be before he got his shit together, and he’d forever be the dark cloud hanging around the castle. God, what was he doing there? Who was he kidding, he knew that he didn’t belong. His inability to accept Shiro’s happiness despite that being the only thing he’d ever wanted was just more proof of that.

He needed to get his shit together and at least pretend to not be a bitter shitty person.

 

* * *

 

 

_Although I understand that_

_I understand that_

_I shouldn’t interfere with your life this way_

_Aah…_

_I beg of you, just for now_

_Just for this moment please only look at me_

* * *

 

 

It was maybe a day or two before the wedding when Allura pulled him into a side room of the castle to talk. He’d seen this coming from a mile away, knowing that she had found him out. He’d been dreading this conversation ever since her and Shiro had officially gotten together. He knew that he wasn’t the subtlest of people – it was truly a miracle that Shiro hadn’t figured out _something_ by now.

All the same, he hadn’t wanted this moment to come.

 

“Keith, can I speak to you for a moment?” Allura’s crisp accent rang through the hanger as Keith descended from his lion. None of the others even paused to look at them oddly. Allura probably just wanted to talk about the wedding. Keith was the best man, he knew what was happening almost as well as Shiro did.

But Keith knew better. That wasn’t why Allura wanted to talk with him.

“Of course, Princess.” He said, albeit a bit stiffly. He yanked off his helmet as Red shut down behind him. “Why don’t we talk somewhere more comfortable. Meet me in my quarters in half a varga?” The princess nodded before leaving the hanger, looking rather troubled.

He really wasn’t looking forwards to this conversation.

 

* * *

 

 

_Laughing or crying_

_Angry, anything_

_No matter the case it is very clear to me_

_That you are_

_The one in my heart_

_My princess, my dear Cinderella_

 

* * *

 

 

She found him in his room dressed in his casual clothing and standing awkwardly in the centre of the room. He didn’t know what to do with himself, and that wasn’t even the most awkward part of this entire situation. She stood awkwardly in front of the closed door, looking at him with her wide eyes. “What did you want to talk about?” he asked gruffly, not offering her a seat. He didn’t care if it was rude.

“Is it true?” she asked softly, her voice cracking slightly. “Are you in love with Shiro?”

And just like with Pidge, there was no point in denying it. She already knew. “I’m not going to wreck your wedding, Allura. I just want him to be happy. You make him happy.” He settled on saying after a long moment. Her upper lip trembled violently and she sniffed slightly.

“I’m so sorry, Keith,” she whispered, crystalline tears beginning to gather in the corners of her eyes, causing him to lurch backwards slightly, curling in on himself. “I… I didn’t know that you…” she seemed to be struggling to find the words to say, but what could you say in a situation like this?

He let out a wry chuckle, “you couldn’t have known, Allura. I’ve been hiding this for years.” The laugh he let out was bitter at best, but at this point, anything was better than the ugly sob that was trying to build its way up in his chest.

She shook her head, her hair falling from its perfect bun. “But I should’ve known!” she protested, looking truly distraught. “If I had known…” she trailed off, clearly regretting _something_ that she’d done. “But Shiro…”

“Don’t worry about it, Princess. I’m not going to try and steal your man – I didn’t 2 years ago, and I won’t now. Shiro loves you. Not me.” He whispered, avoiding looking at her. Her feeling bad about this was just making him feel worse for being bitter about how his life turned out. Perfect little Allura _never_ meant to harm him. She was just being her lovely little self, and of fucking course Shiro fell for her. Shiro deserved the best after all, and who could be better than the princess of Altea herself? “I’ll be fine. I’ll get over it.”

He felt a hand touch his chin, gently tilting his head up until he was looking her in the eyes. Allura was crying, tears dripping from her eyes at a rapid rate. “I’m so sorry,” she apologized again, reaching forwards as if to pull him into a hug. He knew what she was apologizing for; for taking Shiro from him, for loving Shiro too much to give him up, for not wanting to stop the wedding that was in a day and a half.

He…

“I can’t do this right now.” He whispered, wrenching himself from her grip before running out of the room. In that moment he didn’t give a flying fuck how Allura might be feeling or that he was fleeing from his own room. He couldn’t handle this right now, and he refuses to let her see him cry.

Not over this.

 

* * *

 

 

_But now the spell is broken_

_My words unspoken_

_And you’ll go back to being a cinder girl like always_

_But as for your glass slipper shoes_

_You know I’ll always have them right here for you_

_I’m always here for you_

 

* * *

 

 

The wedding was beautiful.

People from all different sectors of the alliance showed up as a sign of peace and goodwill and everything went off without a hitch. It was like some perfect fairy tale wedding. Allura was beautiful as always, and Shiro was positively radiant. Allura’s dress was elegant and flowing, mimicking the human western design in a fit and flare pattern that Altea had apparently been famous for. Shiro was dressed in formal Altean dress robes, and he rocked the harsh lines and satin like fabric.

Keith was not ashamed to admit that he cried a little as Shiro said his vows. Keith had listened to him go over them just the night before but seeing the _love_ in Shiro’s eyes was soul destroying. Not even Lance made fun of him for crying either because he was right there beside him, crying.

They held the ceremony in the castle ship because Pidge insisted on a light and flower show. No one had known how it would go down, but Pidge had a handle on it, and the beautiful space version of sakura blossoms floated down on the couple and the guests peacefully at just the right moment. The lights were flattering and not anywhere near the eyesore that they had all expected them to be.

It was beautiful.

 

The reception was even better, lots of laughter and tears of happiness from everyone in the large ballroom. The dinner that Hunk had prepared along with the help of some of the chefs that various delegations had sent over was absolutely phenomenal. Everything tasted exactly as it was meant to – quite the feat when working with ingredients that were completely alien (pun intended).

And before Keith knew it, he was standing up on the stage and addressing the head table where the paladins and the newly wed couple sat. “Alright, everyone quiet down.” He said, awkwardly clearing his throat and smiling as the room fell into hushed whispers as they eagerly anticipated the best man speech. Keith’s hands trembled as he stared down at the cards he had in his hands. He couldn’t read his own writing.

Deciding to just wing it, he placed the cards in his pocket and steeled himself. “I’ve known Shiro since we were both cadets at the Galaxy Garrison – a space exploration institution back on our home planet. We were friends for years, and Shiro means the world to me. When he disappeared on a mission to Kerberos, I fell apart. I thought I’d never see him again.” He had the entire room’s attention as he detailed events from their past back on Earth.

“But this bloody idiot managed to make his way back to us, time and time again. He’s had our backs from day one, and there’s no one that I’d rather fight beside. You’ve given so much for the universe, Shiro. You deserve this happiness.” He smiled, his eyes scrunching up and hiding the fact that they were glistening with tears. Holy shit, he couldn’t do this. “And Allura? Take good care of him, I have a knife.” The room erupted in loud applause and cheers (and even some laughter) and Shiro actually got up and ran up to the stage to give him a crushing hug.

“I love you too, buddy,” he whispered. Keith’s heart tightened, and all he could do was smile as brightly as he could.

He reached around Shiro’s impressive bulk and made grabby hands at the microphone until Pidge took pity on him and walked up to hand him the microphone. Nodding at the short girl in thanks, he raised the mic to his mouth and continued to speak over Shiro’s shoulder. “Now that I’ve gotten all that sappy shit out of the way, who wants to hear about that one time that Shiro made an ass out of himself by farting in the middle of a lecture.”

Shiro didn’t even hesitate before reaching up and smacking Keith in the back of the head. “Don’t ruin the moment,” he joked. Keith rolled his eyes, but acquiesced. It was Shiro’s big day after all. The embarrassing stories could wait a little bit.

Then it was time for the first dance of the night, Shiro spun Allura around to the ever sappy “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri, and the couple looked so in love that Lance mock gagged despite having literal heart eyes over how cute they were. After the first dance, it was Coran and Keith’s turn to sweep the couple on the floor for the ‘father-daughter’ and ‘mother-son’ dances. Since Allura’s parents were dead and Keith was the closest thing to family that Shiro still had, Coran and Keith danced with the couple.

At least Keith got to dance with Shiro. Just that once.

After that there was classic ballroom dancing as well as some more jaunty alien music. And of course, since Lance managed to get involved, Britney Spears’ “Toxic” also made an appearance before the night was over.

As the night was winding down, Keith was able to slip out of the room. Another slow dance was playing and Shiro and Allura were out being sickeningly sweet as Allura rested her cheek on Shiro’s shoulder and he rested his on her head.

 

Maybe he’d ask Allura to let him take red out for some time while they settled the political side of things. He wasn’t so good at those negotiations, and it wasn’t like Voltron was all that needed right now. Maybe he could talk with Kolivan and figure out his whole half galra thing. Maybe he could even find his mom.

Either way, he knew that he couldn’t stay on the castle ship. He’s happy for the two of them yes, but he can’t just sit there and _watch_ Shiro be happy without him.

It would destroy him.

**Author's Note:**

> just a reminder that you can drop by [my blog](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/myfanficsfuckingsuck) and send me prompts! Or leave a comment down below and I'll do my best to fulfill the prompt!
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/myfanficsfuckingsuck


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